Unlocking Better Conversations: A Solutions Architect’s Take on Exactly What to Say

I recently read Exactly What to Say: The Magic Words for Influence and Impact by Phil M. Jones, and I can already tell it’s going to be one of those books I keep coming back to. It’s a short, punchy read: 23 chapters, each centered on a specific phrase designed to help you influence people and navigate conversations. While it’s marketed for sales, I found it incredibly relevant to my work as a solutions architect, where I’m constantly communicating with clients, pitching technical ideas, and aligning teams. Good communication isn’t just a sales skill, it’s a life skill – and this book offers simple, practical tools to make it easier.

I didn’t rush through it. Instead, I read a few phrases each morning over a couple of weeks, jotting down notes about how I could use them in my day-to-day. Out of the 23, I’ll highlight three that stuck with me the most: “I’m not sure if it’s for you, but” “If I can, will you?” and “Just out of curiosity.” Below, I’ll explain why these clicked for me, how I’ve applied them in my role, and how they tie into the book’s bigger message about influence.

“I’m Not Sure If It’s for You, But” – A Gentle Way to Pitch Ideas

This phrase kicks off the book, and it’s genius for anyone who’s ever hesitated to share an idea. As a solutions architect, I often suggest things like new solution designs or process changes, and there’s always that moment of doubt: What if they hate it? Jones’s phrase, “I’m not sure if it’s for you, but” takes the edge off. It’s not pushy; it’s an invitation. It sparks curiosity without making the other person feel pressured.

For example, I recently talked to a client who wasn’t sold on moving some workloads to the cloud. Instead of diving into a big pitch, I said, “I’m not sure if it’s for you, but we could explore a hybrid setup that keeps the critical applications on-prem while testing the cloud for scalability.” They didn’t say no—they asked me to explain more. Jones says this phrase works because it tells the listener’s brain, “No pressure here,” and I’ve seen it in action. It builds trust, which is huge when trying to guide people toward a solution without sounding like you’re forcing it.

“If I Can, Will You?” – Turning No into a Maybe

This one’s a lifesaver when you hit resistance. Clients and stakeholders say no all the time; sometimes, it’s about cost, timing, and sometimes just habit. “If I can, will you?” lets you dig into the objection without arguing. You’re asking, “If I can fix this one thing, are you in?” It’s a way to isolate their concern and get them thinking about a yes instead of sticking with a no.

I recently proposed changing the way our team generates test data, which we’d been doing the same way forever, not because it was efficient but because it was the default we’d always stuck with. The old method was clunky and took way too long, but the team wasn’t thrilled about switching, mainly because they were so busy as-is in the current process and they didn’t want the extra hassle. So, I said, “If I can show you a new approach that cuts the time to generate test data in half without losing accuracy, would you be up for giving it a shot for a few weeks?” They thought it over and said, “Okay, if you can make it work without messing us up or slowing us down more, we’ll try it.” I didn’t promise the moon (I’ve learned the under-promise, over-deliver mantra the hard way) just a chance to prove it. After putting together a simple demo and some numbers, we tested it out, and now the team has switched over to the faster way without looking back. In my world, where I’m always balancing technical constraints and business needs, this phrase feels like a negotiation superpower. It’s less about winning and more about collaborating.

“Just Out of Curiosity” – Uncovering What’s Really Going On

This phrase is sneaky but brilliant. When someone dodges a decision, like the classic “I need to think about it,” “let’s take this offline and revisit later,” or “now isn’t the best time, we’re too busy,” it’s tempting to let it go. But “just out of curiosity” enables you to ask a follow-up question without sounding aggressive. It’s casual and disarming and gets people to open up about what’s holding them back.

I tried it after a meeting where a manager brushed off my proposed timeline with, “I’ll get back to you.” I said, “Just out of curiosity, what’s the biggest thing you’d need to feel confident about this schedule?” They admitted they were worried about overlapping with another project, something I wouldn’t have known if I’d left it at “Okay, let me know.” It gave me a chance to tweak the plan and keep things moving. In my job, where feedback can make or break a project, this phrase is gold. It’s not about pushing, it’s about understanding.

Why This Book Hits Home (Even Outside Sales)

Exactly What to Say isn’t just for closing deals: it’s for anyone who needs to influence others, which is pretty much everyone at work. As a solutions architect, I’m not selling software; I’m selling confidence in my designs, trust in my recommendations, and buy-in from teams. Other phrases in the book, like “Most people” (to build agreement) or “What happens next” (to keep momentum), have also found their way into my toolkit. Even Jones’s tip to answer tricky questions with a simple “It works great” has helped me sound more decisive when explaining complex tech to non-tech folks. Sweet and simple!

What I love most is how practical it is. The phrases are short, memorable, and easy to adapt. You don’t need to memorize a script; just keep them in mind for the right moment. It’s shifted how I approach conversations, making them less stressful and more productive.

Wrapping Up: Why You Should Give It a Try

Exactly What to Say is a quick read that delivers significant value. It’s not about being slick or manipulative; it’s about communicating with clarity and intent. Whether you’re in sales, tech, or anything else, these tools can help you connect better with the people you work with.

I’ve started using these phrases in my daily routine as a solutions architect, and they’ve made a noticeable difference. If you’re looking to level up your communication game, I’d say give it a shot. I’m not sure if it’s for you, but if I can convince you it’s worth a couple of hours, will you pick it up and let me know what you think? Just out of curiosity, what’s one conversation you’d love to handle better?